Wednesday, November 7, 2012

horsing around

howdy ya'll

mary, the prairie gypsy queen. 

beautiful sky & amazing scenery.
utah is gorgeous.

this guy has my heart.

such a handsome devil of a horse.
he loves the camera.

and he loves attention.
undivided attention ;)

i could stay here all day.
they say a horse is man's best companion, or a dog.
they both have so much heart and are so aware, it's really quit amazing. 

behind the scenes outtakes

what a little tease!
sticking out his tongue at me like that!!
to funny.

note upper right corner ;)
bahaha.. he is such a character.
you can see why they call it horse teeth.
best smile around!!

this animal amazes me, such personality!!
i'm glad i bond so well with a horse.
obviously we're on the same maturity level too.
on mahh bodyy:
cranberry silk undershirt: tj maxx, leopard print accordion maxi skirt: f21, floral velvet blazer: thrifted, turquoise statement necklace: f21, large amber and silver ring: urban outfitters, pave wedding bands: oc tanner, hat: state fair

oh my gosh, i am in love with that horse.
he's so freaking funny!!
i mean really, have you ever seen a horse pose and act-up in such a way?!
what a ham!
i wish i could say he is mine. both horses belong to my parent's neighbor.
i love visiting him, for obvious reasons:)

today is 5dp5dt
i am no longer on bed rest as of yesterday, i am just taking it easy. no strenuous activity and no work for me until i find out the results next week. it's weird not being on the go, i'm the kind of person who's always doing something. i'm always bouncing from one job to another or i'm at zumba.
i'm so grateful i started this blog.
it keeps my mind occupied from what's going on inside of me, i look forward to writing new posts and showing you my pictures. it's fun for me and has become a daily highlight.
last night i woke up at 3am and couldn't fall back asleep. i decided to google 5dp5dt to see what my fellow ivf'ers symptoms were at this date. a bunch of blogs popped up so i started to read them. for the most part the blogs were cheerful, describing their daily symptoms and how their pregnancy progression was going. a bunch ending with healthy pregnancies and babies, which made me happy and excited. i then clicked on another blog, which started out happy as well, she took a home pregnancy test at 5dp5dt and it was positive. she then had her beta and 2nd beta and it was also positive. she then proceeded to update daily until her 9th week, at week 9 she miscarried. it was her 2nd round of ivf and 3rd failed pregnancy ;(
i was so sad.. i cried for her, silently, under the covers.
it just felt so personal.
i try to be strong but it's so hard. the anxiety, the pressure, the whys??
i try to be positive and not get discouraged and sad.
each morning morgan gives me my daily lovenox injection and i want to scream.
but the only thing i can do is pray and have faith that this time will work and we will have our little marys or moes.
it will all be worth it.
i pray so hard for that.
i can't let myself dwell on everyone else's situation, or look at all my friends and family with babies, or all the selfish women who abort theirs, or all the girls who don't even want babies and get preggo... when i find myself dwelling on the negative i "check myself".
i gather all those negative thoughts and say a little pep talk to myself inside my head.
"my journey is my journey and their journey is theirs."
no comparisons.
i have to be strong, i have to be positive regardless and keep going for my family.
for mine and morgan's future children.
if for some reason this fourth time is still not the right time, i truly will understand. i will be crushed and devastated, but i will understand. it will happen when it's ment to.
when "they" are ready.
i hope and pray that they are ready now and that they are thriving inside my uterus at this very moment :) i'm hoping that this slight twinge of crampiness that i'm feeling is a good sign and that this is our big break.
monday can't come soon enough.

1 comment:

  1. The uncertainty is torture, isn't it? You handle it so well, though - keeping busy and staying positive. I'm glad you're taking it easy. You deserve some rest. I love you, and you're an inspiration.