Monday, November 12, 2012

my beta..

i'm sorry to keep you waiting.. 
i thought about not posting until wednesday, but i have shared everything up until this point and figured i would continue to be open...

i'm beyond thankful today.
my heart is happy, yet it beats slow.
everything seams to be in slow motion today.

praying, thinking, feeling, loving, hoping, wanting.

we may not be super religious, but i believe in the power of prayer.

a marital relationship can be broken or strengthened in the process of ivf.
i'm so grateful that it has made ours grow stronger. 

never ever give up on what you want,
on what you dream,
or on what you aspire.

please, baby, please..
we are ready for you, baby, please.
please stick around my love, my baby, my life.

it may hurt at first, but all things are ment to be with faith.

your angels are always with you.
if you feel alone talk to them..
this has helped me.

you are what you believe and attract what you perceive.
the power of thought is strong.

always take the opportunity to make a wish.
wish on a dandelion..

and wish on a star.

your wishes will turn into your dreams.
and your dreams will get caught and turn into your reality.

i wish for a blue elephant with a giant wand of glittery baby dust to shower me in..

i wish for a baby bump,
a full term pregnancy and a healthy baby.

i feel your vibes:)
i promise i'm putting them to good use.
thank you!!

i must remember this daily because....

.....of my mornings.
 i hate my daily lovenox injections that morgan gives me.
my day may not start out good, but i'll be danged if i let that shot ruin my whole day:)
you can sit and pout, or you can smile through the pain and know that things will get better.
make your day what you want it to be;)!!

use that time to review how blessed you are, don't focus on the negative.

time makes life, life takes time.
today i have come up with a new time zone..
it's called sluggard standard time zone and i am convinced i am living in it.

beta day
i woke up at 7am this morning, from a restless night of nerve induced sleep.  
we drove down to the clinic holding hands, feeling each others racing pulses from our anxious hearts. arriving at the clinic morgan asks "how do you feel babe?"
i replied "i feel hopeful love, i feel like this is it.. i feel like you're going to be a daddy"
morgan locked eyes with mine, i could tell he was holding back his tears because i too was holding back my own.
our path has been long and draining.
i walked nervously into the lab plopping myself down on the black padded chair rolling up my sleeve.
i knew the drill to a tee.
this had to be my 350th blood draw.
my phlebotomist asks "did you cheat?"(meaning did i take a pee test)
"no, i didn't. i have been to nervous too."
he gives me an "ohhh, i'm impressed" look and begins to draw my blood.
the sluggard standard time makes it seam like the needle is in my arm for hours, slowly sucking away.
he finally removes the needle and bandages me up.
"they'll call you around noon" he tells us.
i look down at my watch, it's 8am.
i figure what's waiting another 4hrs when we've been waiting this long.
the time passes by as fast as watching sticky old nail polish completely dry(does it ever?)
this is sluggard standard time.
i try to distract myself with perez hilton, but there's only so much he can post on justin and selena's break-up.
he cheated on her with a victoria's secret model??
but they were so!
oh wait they're getting back together?! oh, no.. he just made that up. silly blogger. i love this crap.
the time slugs on by..
my ears feel like they're sticking up, like a fox listening for his pray, as i listen for my ringtone.
"take me to the place i love, take me all the wayyyy..(yeah, yeah, yeahhhh, yeahhh)"
finally "under the bridge" by the chili peppers belts out from my phone.
it's my dr's office.
i quickly answer, putting it on speaker for both of us to hear..
"mary ann, it's jen from dr. marrs' office"
"hi jen" i dryly muster up.
"i have some news for you, your beta came in at a 28.2!"
(((now stop! rewind to yesterday and the day before when i told you guys that i was looking for a beta of 50 or higher!)))
"oh...... really." i choke.
"yes, your beta is a little lower than we'd like to see. we would like to see you back in for another test wednesday. the good news is that the beta score does mean you're pregnant."
did she just say i am pregnant!?!
words i've never heard before.
"we do know that implantation has occurred, but we need your hcg levels to double next time you come in. that way we know the little guy is growing. "
"wait, i'm pregnant?!" i ask nervously
"yes. you are... you are mildly pregnant as of right now"
my heart flutters out of my chest, my tears cannot be contained any more.
"we'll see you wednesday, please take it easy" i hear her joyfully say...
everything else is a blur.
we are stunned.
we take a sluggish moment and quietly hug each other. this is the first time i have cried tears of happiness in the last (almost) 2yrs of trying to conceive.
"babe, you did it!!" morgan whispers...
i am numb.
"no...we did it, we are pregnant." i reply, dizzily, as i kiss him.

we have another 48hrs until our next blood draw..more waiting.. more slugging.. more praying..
we are praying that our little guy holds on tight and makes my uterus his home for 9months.

my scores were:
beta :28.2
progesterone: 10

did you or anyone you know have a low beta? i would love to calm my nerves with your stories.

thank you for your continued prayers and positive sparkly happy vibes:)
loves to you.


  1. Ohmygosh this is fantastic news! I really was thinking of you and wishing for the best today. I have never been thru this but have watched many friends and and even some family who have struggled during such an emotional journey.. Mary Ann, this WILL happen for you and your cute hubs, it is meant to be. Just feel happy, don't be scared or stressed and say over and over "I am a mother with a beautiful healthy baby, I am, I am, I AM" Truth! Keep being open, I'm sure more people are wishing and praying for you than you even realize! XX sending lots of loves your way!

  2. Good thoughts and vibes your way Mary! I'm so excited for you! xo

  3. So excited! In our thoughts and prayers always! Grow little baby, grow!!!

  4. Much Much Much love for you!!!!! You are a rock star. I will be thinking about you non stop for the next 48 hours. :) Good Luck dear friend! Let me know if you need anything.

  5. So excited for you Mary!! I know it is meant to be and will keep you in my and Morgs will be the best parents so I know this will happen.

    Love you...

  6. Thank you for being so open. I know it has to be a huge mix of emotions to know you're pregnant, but to still wonder and have the "what ifs..." but YOU ARE PREGNANT! Congratulations mama. I will send all my prayers your way. They do make a difference, I know they do. Much love lady. Please tell Morgan congrats as well. I am happy for all 3 of you!

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