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Monday, January 21, 2013

wrapped in the warmth of the saints..

















on mahh bodyy:
jacket:allsaints turnlock monument jacket, peace sign tee:f21, cherry docs:ebay, beige marc jacobs bag: nordstrom, round sunnies: jmr



first off, thank you to everyone who took the time to read "the millie movement". many of you commented that i left you in tears, i too was in tears while writing it. i put my heart and soul into that post, it was so important for me to tell the whole story because it was a miracle. a miracle carried out by so many loving hearts. i pray that this story carries on and ends with a remission for millie. please keep her health in your prayers.

today i started my acupuncture sessions back up. i love my acupuncturist, bea hammond, she has amazing energy and calms my nerves like no one else. i am scheduled for my frozen embryo transfer next month around the 6th-8th:)
this will be round 5.
i'm feeling very anxious, nervous, excited, cautious, but most importantly hopeful. i will begin my medications again in a couple days, i'm definitely not looking forward to the evil prednisone eye twitches i get. i just have to keep the faith and stay positive..the good thing is i have a really good feeling about this next go around.
cheers to loving hearts, amazing things and miracles in 2013!!
this is our year:)

xM

Monday, January 7, 2013

the millie movement

if you are a salt lake city, utah local and have been watching the news and reading the newspaper, then you have heard of millie flamm. even those nationwide are catching wind of her story.

millie is 7yrs old and has been battling leukemia for three years. 
after a successful bone marrow transplant earlier last summer her cancer was sent into remission. sadly three weeks ago millie relapsed and her cancer returned, sending millie back into primary children's medical center, once again fighting for her life.

millie loves music, she loves to dance and sing and doing arts and crafts. 
about a year ago millie's parents bought her justin bieber concert tickets, in hope that she would be healthy enough to attend his concert. millie was beyond ecstatic because justin is her favorite singer, her favorite song being "baby, baby" by justin.

millie is the sweetest, wise beyond her years, loving, thoughtful 7yr old i know.
so very thoughtful, that is where my story begins.


 last month, on the first day of christmas our doorbell rang and a bunch of little knocks followed. i opened the door to an empty porch, as i was looking around i noticed pear scented soap and a christmas ornament with a "1 and a bird" on it. i brought it in with my husband morgan behind me asking what it was. i showed him and he said "oh that's a partridge on the ornament, you know, for the 1st day of the 12 days of christmas" i asked him if he knew who it was and he said "no" i also had no clue who it could had been. i then thought someone had the wrong house..


the next day the same thing happened and another beautiful ornament with two turtle doves attached to ribbon and chocolate was left on our porch.
as funny as it sounds i got excited for our daily doorbell ditch, i felt like a kid again. i was sure it was morgan and by the 4th day i was bugging him to tell me who it was. he promised he didn't know who  it was and that he hoped we wouldn't get food poisoning eating treats from complete strangers. i believed him and also prayed that the chocolate and soup i was shoveling in was ok.


on day six i waited all night and was sad by morning when our doorbell ditchers hadn't come. i figured it was a mistake, that they were leaving their treats on the wrong porch.
i thought, what nice person would be doing this for a family with no kids to get excited about it. eventhough i was getting excited. later that day, on day 7, i came home from work and saw a bunch of goodies sitting on our porch. like a child i jumped up and down, yes i'm really 5yrs old, gathered the goodies brought them inside and called morgan to tell him the good news, that our doorbell ditchers had returned.


by day nine i was really racking my brain on who it could be, i was so thankful to whom ever it could be. i was excited to thank them and to tell them how much fun we were having and how much we appreciated them taking the time to do it for us. 

on day nine we received the sweetest little children's book. my heart sank because i had been having a very hard time with the season and all the new babies and pregnancies around us. but now i was sad that whom ever was to receive this precious book would not be reading it to their babies that night because the doorbell ditchers had the wrong house. 
i opened the book to flip through the colorful pictures and found a note..


i was stunned, i couldn't even finish reading the note because i had waterfalls streaming out of my eyes..
the doorbell ditchers did have the right house. 
that little note pulled at my heart strings, lord knows how i yearn for a child to hold and read to.
i was thankful to the doorbell ditchers for giving me a new found hope, that one day i would read this book to my own kids.
the next couple days we received more fun surprises.
on day 12 i was out finishing my christmas shopping and it started to snow really hard, the roads were so bad that i hoped that the doorbell ditcher wasn't out and about. i got home and unloaded all of my last min christmas purchases and noticed that morgan had brought in the last ornament with nothing attached to it. morgan said "i came home and this was on the porch" i thought "hmm, why wouldn't they leave a note or reveal themselves?" i reached for my phone to text my sister and saw that i had a facebook notification. i clicked on it and saw a picture of my friend amanda and her cute son austin holding the ornament... saying:



 i was shocked because i had just learned that amanda's daughter, millie, had relapsed and was once again at primary children's battling leukemia.

how could a family with so much on their plate be so selfless and take the time out of their busy schedule to do such an amazing thing?
and why us?..


words can't describe the emotions i felt from reading that message from amanda.
her family has forevermore impacted our hearts, they gave us the true meaning of christmas and reminded us that in life love is what matters most. not the presents, not the food and drinks but the love for one another..morgan and i are forever thankful.

how do you thank someone for such an incredible gift?
how do you reciprocate the beautiful feelings that were bestowed?
i thought long and hard and asked family members what we should do to say thank you, but nothing sounded good enough. millie and the flamms deserved the world. i figured i would take my time and think about something fun for them.
then last monday on new years eve my sister, natalie "nat", and i decided we would take millie a new years eve kit full of new years decorations and fun things to do. we headed up to the hospital and surprised millie. she was excited and even more excited to hear about how much we loved getting doorbell ditched by her (before her relapse) and her brother.
her father, brady, apologized that they missed a couple days and had to double up on two of the days. on day 6 (the day i thought for sure the doorbell ditchers had the wrong house) was the day that millie  had relapsed. i held back my tears in awe of how amazing the flamms were, that even through the relapse they kept going. i felt my gift basket would never touch the gift they had given us.

Millie was battling a fever as she opened the gift basket, but pure joy swept over her sweet little face.
seeing her happy made us happy, she sure knows how to tug at your heart.




 millie's favorite present that we gave her was a soft blanket with an owl hoodie attached, that she now does not take off.
her second favorite of the bunch was a microphone that you can sing into and her voice would come out the other end.
although she wasn't feeling her best she gave us a little private performance..


brady said had she not been feeling so sick she would have been singing and dancing for us.

nat and i stayed a couple hours chatting, singing and playing with millie. we did not want to leave but had new years plans to spend with our family and grandparents. so we promised millie we would be back to play soon. we left the hospital pushing prayers and all of our energy towards millie that she would get better and she would have a healthy new year.

i texted amanda a couple days later to see how millie was feeling. she told me that millie's fever was back and she wasn't feeling well. she told me that she would have to break the news to millie that she would not be attending her favorite singer justin bieber's concert that weekend.
she then asked me if there was anyway we could get justin to visit millie.
i said anything is possible amanda, i'm sure we can make it happen. that night i went to bed, i had the most vivid dream. i dreamt millie was dressed in a justin bieber t-shirt and that justin was holding millie telling her that he loved her and that she would get better soon. i woke up startled and determined. i knew that i had to do something, that i would do anything in my power to get justin to millie. i put together a photo collage and posted it to my facebook page, justin bieber's mega fan page, my instagram, my twitter and tagged as many of my news and media friends and people who would have connections to justin's pr people as i could.
i pleaded to all of my followers (over 5,000) to get the word out to make a miracle happen for millie.
this was friday morning, the day before the concert.


we got such an amazing response, everyone started liking, sharing, commenting, contacting all of their resources and spreading the word. later that day the news stations got wind of our story and interviewed amanda and brady and got the ball rolling even faster. so many amazing people helping us and coming forward to do anything they could to contact justin and make him aware of millie. the flamm's close friends and moms with children who have or had gone through cancer started rallying and spreading the word as well. those moms are power houses and because of them a lot more was accomplished. 


that night into the following day we worked extra hard to spread the word, we did not give up, we tagged justin every sec we could on twitter and fb. we bugged him as much as we could so he would know we needed him.
that millie needed him..
i did not leave my phone or computer hoping to hear some positive news..


then some bad news came and amanda informed me that millie's fever spiked and that she was on oxygen. if millie's fever didn't go down there was no way to have her meet justin.
i prayed, i then posted another call to action, hoping that would motivate everyone to keep working and keep pushing for millie.
the millie movement was in full effect.
we started getting word from friends and sources that it was going to happen, we just didn't know when or how, but that it was going to happen.
we were in limbo, in a hopeful nerve wracking limbo.
i thought to myself there is no way that this can not not happen for her, there were to many people fighting for it, working on it and praying for it.
millie deserved this.

i felt so nervous and sick to my stomach that i needed to leave my house.
i called amanda and asked if millie had a justin t-shirt, she said no. so i told her i was going to run one to her.
finding a justin bieber t-shirt the day of his concert is almost impossible. i called around and everyone was sold out. my sister-in-law then informed me that her sister had just bought t-shirts for her girls at a walmart that didn't have high traffic. i then jumped in my car and quickly drove to walmart. i grabbed a couple t's for millie to choose from and rushed to the hospital.
when i arrived i saw amanda outside of millie's room shaking her head saying that it wasn't going to happen, that he wasn't coming.
i said no he will come, this will happen!
it has to!
we walked into the room and little millie was laying in her bed watching her shows. she looked frail, such a beautiful little girl, it just wasn't fair. her face lit up when she saw me and i said millie i have a surprise for you:) i pulled out the t-shirts and she said i love justin bieber! i said i know you do..
i then turned to amanda and brady and watched as brady rush out of the room on his cell phone.
he returned and said "it's going to happen!" with a mile long smile.
millie asked "what's going to happen, daddy?"
and amanda walked over to millie and said "honey, tonight is the justin bieber concert but you are to sick to go."
the look on millie's face was heartbreaking..
she cried "but noooo, mom, i have tickets!!" and started to cry..
i choked back my tears.
amanda said "i know honey, but you're to sick to go, so we are having him come to you!!"
millie's sadness was replaced with confusion.. "he's coming to me?!"
"yes honey, he knows you're to sick to go to his concert, so he is coming to you." replied amanda.
millie's mood instantly perked up and she couldn't stop smiling.
i said "let's get your t-shirt on millie!"she about dove right into it, beaming proudly.

the rest is history..
history made by so many loving individuals, so many people who cared and wanted millie's dream to come true.
everyone contributed to make this miracle happen.
love brought justin to millie.


what i witness was the most gratifying thing i have ever experienced in my life, to date. the look on millie's face when she saw justin and the feeling that came over that room is priceless.
it was my dream playing out in front of me.
i had chills.. it was deja vu.
i then knew it was a higher power that had orchestrated this event. that it was ment to be..
all the events leading up to this meeting, from the 12days of christmas to now, all led up to this grand life changing event.
it was ment to be for millie.


justin held millie on his lap and sang to her. millie even asked justin if he would be her boyfriend and he replied "of course i will, sweetie!" he was genuine and took his time with her. she was enamored and in awe that her favorite singer was holding her so tight. millie was radiating light and complete joy. justin then gave her his guitar pick and kissed her good bye telling her that she would get better soon. he started to walk away only to look back at millie and run back to her swooping her in his arms and kissing her gently on the cheek. 

i'm sure justin doesn't know it, but his grand gesture is what is fueling millie to continue her battle with cancer. he is a life changer and the most genuine celebrity you could ever meet.
thank you justin.


ultimately it was ksl ch5 who broke the story post meeting. it was because of their final push that justin was able to meet millie.


amanda beaming with delight as she was interviewed by reporter ashley.


the interview can be seen on www.ksl.com under millie flamm


because of all the selfless individuals who helped in the millie movement, be it a simple "like" or share on fb or any other social media, we were able to make a miracle happen for millie.

thank you to everyone who helped in the #justinmeetmillie movement!!



i pray that this new year the millie movement continues on with a force and that everyone continues to be selfless and loving towards one another..


you never know what someone is going through.

i mostly pray that millie gets better this year and that there will soon be a cure for childhood cancer.
#cancersucks
no child or person should ever have to go through what millie is going through.

thank you once again to everyone who helped, you are all angels.

we do this for you millie, this is your movement.

peace and love <3
xM